Less than three months to go

     Wow, I can’t believe I have less than three months to go. It is amazing to look back on the past six months and see all that has happened. I am really excited about these next three months because the weather has been warming up and will only continue to get hotter. The time also changed so now it is going to start staying light till later in the night, already it is light until 9p.m. I like when it is light longer, I feel like I get a lot more done in the day and everyone enjoys the night outside. The plaza by my house is already filling up every night, which makes it feel like summer. One bad thing about this weather is that it is hard to focus on doing homework because I just want to chill in the plaza and people watch.

    I really only have about a month or a month an a half left of classes, but I have so much to do this next month. I am really proud of myself because I have received really good grades on my tests. I am especially proud of my two tests with the Spanish students (Marketing and Economy) not only because I got good grades, but I even did better than some of the Spanish students. I have another test in two weeks and then I have three projects to do. I am a little nervous about the projects because I have to present them all in front of my classes in Spanish, but again I am sure everything will turn out good. Even though I have always loved school, and I have really enjoyed learning Spanish, I think I am ready to finish with school. I am ready to graduate and get started on my future job/ business. I am starting to see more and more especially doing my business projects that studying in Spain is going to be a great benefit for me in the future. I know there is so much to come!

   With less than three months to go I have also been restless. Waves of feelings come and go, enjoying each minute I am here and then missing my family and friends and of course the beach. I think since it is closer to the time I am going to go home I am starting to think about it more often. Even though I only have three months left I have a lot planned. I have friends visiting me, going to Salamanca, going to Granada and Ireland. I also recently got back from England from visiting the Conrows, which was a great time! I will have a blog up soon about all the we did. A trip I will always remember.  

It is time to move on

March 22, 2008

      It is time to move on. What does that mean? When should or can you say it to someone? I had it said to me many times after my dad died. I always got and still get angry at that phrase. Who are you to say it is time to move on? It has almost been six years since my dad’s death, but the feelings have not changed at all. I have only gotten stronger. I think each death affects everyone differently and sometimes you don’t even realize how it has affected you till years later. Do we really move on? I never will, in the sense that I will continue to celebrate his life, and mourn his death. I miss him. Sometimes it is such a taboo topic. Can you be so happy, yet be so sad? Yes, definitely. It is a beautiful and such an amazing feeling to sob until you can’t cry anymore and at the end can be hopeful for what is to come. Being sad only makes me realize that much more how important my mom and brother are to me. The only two people I can be completely honest with, unashamedly honest and they won’t look at me weird if I start crying unstoppably, even six years after the fact. 

My Testimony

March 20^th, 2008

            My testimony began when I was 14 years old, when I was depressed for about 4 months. My father passed away when I was 18 years old, it was then that I realized what my testimony was and my testimony continues to follow me, as I get older.

            It follows me in the morning when I make my toast extra crispy just as my dad made for me. It follows me when I watch movies dealing with death, depression, or suicide. It follows me when I take time to relax on the beach. It follows me if I go to McDonalds, a coffee shop, or Home Depot. It follows me when I hear a song by Frank Sinatra, Sade, Sting, or Rod Stewart. It is there when I am drinking a Corona or eating sushi with wasabi. It is there when I pass a construction site, when Christmas time comes, when I watch a family in the park, when I go to church, when I meet a boy, when I go to school, when I talk about Hawaii, when I eat chocolate-chip ice cream, when my birthday arrives, when I meet new people and when I go into a club. As I get older I realize my testimony will always be with me and I will never be ashamed to cry or to remember what has happened.

            My testimony is the memory of my dad, of his struggles he had with depression, and his courageous battle to cope. It is the memory of our friendship, what he taught me during my struggle with depression, our discussions and debates about God. It is the memory of unconditional love, grace, peace and mercy of my father and most of all God. This testimony will forever be written on my arm.