I know that God has me at my mom’s house in Ventura County for a reason this summer. I have already really enjoyed seeing all my family members and have gotten to spend quality time with my brother. Coming back has also been a reality check with what really has been going on here. It has been very overwhelming. I have also gotten to see several of my close friends in San Diego and San Francisco. It has been great seeing all my friends and seeing familiar faces, but again overwhelming.

     More than ever I don’t feel like I fit in, in one particular place. I am more confused than ever about what I want to do with my life and where I want to go. I know I feel this way because I realize there are so many more possibilities/ opportunties out there. I am amazed and thankful that I was able to live in Madrid. I now have an unbelievable desire to travel more and to live abroad again. Even while I get back into my routine here again I know it will be different. I will continue to live life to the fullest and I know God will show me where to go.

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don’t ask why.

It’s not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It’s something unpredictable
but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it’s worth,
it was worth all the while.

It’s something unpredictable
but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It’s something unpredictable
but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It’s something unpredictable
but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life

      I definitely got emotional just thinking of all I have done, seen, the people I have met, the places I have gone, what I have learned and how my dream was fulfilled.

     I can’t believe I am on my final trip! Yesterday I woke up feeling like how I felt when I arrived, in a dream. It is surreal that I am visiting another country, coming back for two weeks and then flying back home. I want to enjoy this as much as possible…my weekend in Dublin!

     Yesterday Jacqueline and I left Madrid around 7:00 p.m. because our plane was running late, but we still arrived when it was dusk. Since Dublin is one hour behind Madrid it was nice because we got some more time before it was dark to get to our hostel. Right away we noticed how green Dublin was from our airplane…What a sight!

     Our hostel is right in the middle of Temple Bar. Temple Bar is filled with bars, stores and cafes. It is a cool location, right near all the people. I love the cobble-stoned streets, that is one thing I will greatly miss about Europe…how old everything is. I was ready to go to bed when we got back from dinner because of my ankles. I hurt my ankles running and I noticed a week ago they were really swollen then after a few days they started to hurt more. So instead of going to the doctor (no time or money) I found health info online and talked to my aunt who is a nurse. So I got medicine, a bandage (like a soft brace) and one crutch. I am trying to keep the pressure off my ankles, mainly my right ankle cause it hurts worse, but I also am trying not to hurt my left ankle more. So I know it will be interesting to see how traveling goes with hurting ankles. I feel like a dork, but people have also been very helpful…with opening doors, helping me with my luggage, etc.

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     I am so exhausted from the past two days. My ankles are very sore and so is my right wrist, but all the pain and tiredness was worth it. I had a great last trip and just as Jacqueline and I joked about, it is a trip that is preparing us to return to the U.S.

     On Thursday after our breakfast we headed out to explore the city. Because we are low on money and because of Jacqueline’s suggestion I decided to try to walk instead of take the bus, but I have to admit I was a little skeptical to how walking would affect my ankles. As we started to walk we realized how close everything was to our hostel. It is such a lively area! Within a few hours we had walked all over.

     One of the first places we checked out was Trinity College. Trinity College was built in 1592 and is one of Ireland’s most prestigious universities. It was such a big campus so we only walked through a little bit of it and checked out sites near there.

     After we headed to St. Stephen’s Green, it was beautiful. Thankfully we had really nice weather so we were able to enjoy the park. It was definitely nice to sit down for awhile. After a short break we headed to Grafton St. This street is known for the stores, it definitely was very busy. While we were checking out the stores we stopped for a yummy lunch at Eddie Rockets, a fifties style diner. It was great to have a 100% ground beef burger and fries, something I have been missing. : )

     Once we were refueled we headed to the Guinness Storehouse. On the way we stopped at St. Valentine´s burial spot, Christ Church Cathedral, St. Patrick’s Cathedral, the Dublin Castle, and walked past several more historical sites (I don’t remember all their names).  Even if you don’t drink beer or like Guinness, I definitely recommend visiting the storehouse. It is a really cool building. There are seven floors each with a different purpose. Starting on the lower floors you learn the ancient craft of cask making, how Guinness is brewed, the history of Guinness, the history of Guinness advertisement, and for the final floor you can receive your free pint. I had about half of mine, it’s so strong that it would have taken me awhile to finish a pint! The view from the seventh floor was awesome and we had the perfect weather to see all of the city.

     As we headed back to our hostel we went towards the river and walked on the opposite side so we could check out more of the city. To end a long full day we checked out a movie during the night, it was nice to be sitting for awhile. Well, Thursday night in the hostel is something I will always remember, what a great experience to have at a hostel on my last trip (for NOW).

     Probably between 2:30 a.m. or 3:00 a.m. I woke up because I heard some noise (besides all the people having a good time in the streets). When I looked up I saw a guy peeing next to the bed on the bunk across from me. The guy who was lying in that bed also woke up. I told him I think he is drunk and sleep walking and he said I know. I asked if we should wake him or something, but then the sleep-walker started to walk to the other side of the room. Finally the guy who’s bed got peed on tried to say something to the sleep-walker guy. The sleep-walker just mumbled and then tried getting into the other guy’s bed and the guy stopped him. Then he tried to get into my bed…I said, “Hey, hey…” and I pushed him away (the other guy was also trying to help me). Finally we turned on the light and this guy’s girlfriend (or friend) woke up and tried saying something to him. He definitely was drunk. She tried explaining to him what he did and he kept saying what are you talking about I have never done anything like that. Finally the hostel receptionist came up to clean the floor and told us if anyone wanted to change rooms we could. I ended up staying in the same room, but had a hard time falling asleep again.

     After a crazy night Jacqueline and I woke up a couple hours later than planned. For Friday we had decided we wanted to head to the coast. We took the light rail to Howth, which is a city right on the coast. We just walked to the marine to check out the ocean and the light house. After Howth we went to Malahide to check out the Malahide Castle. It was such a beautiful walk to get to the castle because it was in a huge park, but at times I felt like I was in a huge forest. Even though we had a relaxing day and we were sitting a lot my ankles were really bugging me.

     As the evening approached I was tired, but I really wanted to meet up with my friend Dwayne, who I met in Madrid several years ago. I met him at Trinity College and he took me to a big field (I don’t know the name) filled with students. Since there had been such good weather everyone was hanging out in the sun drinking. It was a cool sight to see, it made me want to stay in school forever…hehe…the students were definitely a lot different than the students from SDSU though.

     After catching up while sipping on a beer we headed out for dinner. We went to an awesome Mexican restaurant, it has been awhile since I have had Mexican food. It definitely made me excited to go back to California. Once we finished dinner we headed to a few Irish pubs in Temple Bar. I got to drink some more yummy beers, listen to Irish music and chat some more with Dwayne. It was a great time!!! Nights with familiar faces are always fun.

     Well, today we had to leave in the afternoon so we only walked around O’Connell St. and Grafton St. again. I definitely feel we got to see a ton, but I would love to come back to Ireland to check out other cities. Even though this is my last trip for the remainder of my time in Europe, it has inspired me to go to other places when I return. Once you start traveling you don’t stop…it’s in your blood.

     After my trip to Valencia during Semana Santa I was really missing my family so going to England to visit my second family was really exciting! My second family in England are the Conrows. After meeting my best friend, Josh, in high school and dating for several years I have become very close to his family, especially his sister, Chaska. Josh and I visited Chaska a few years ago in Madrid because she was working here teaching English. That definitely was a dream come true. I had been wanting to go to Spain since high school and visiting Madrid made me want to study abroad even more.

     Since I arrived in an airport outside of London and far away from Bury St. Edmunds, where they are living, I had to take a train into London at Victoria Station and then a bus to Cambridge. I really enjoyed taking the train because I was able to see more of the neighborhoods outside of London and I also loved the bus ride because it was like a free tour of London. Even though I had been to London before it was good to see the city another time. While I arrived in Cambridge, Chaska was there waiting for me. We decided to spend the day checking out Cambridge.

     Of course, when I arrived in Cambridge it was raining, but we still had a great time. I am really really happy I got to see this city, because it was so old and definitely a student city. One of the things that was quite the sight to see was King’s College. It is amazing how old the college is and the King’s College Chapel was huge. As we walked around the city we also got to see several of the other colleges of Cambridge. I can’t imagine what it would be like to go to school at such a historical school as Cambridge.

     Chaska also took me to a local pub called The Eagle, Cambridge’s oldest pub. It is said that Watson and Crick announced their discovery of DNA in this bar. It is also said that the British and American WWII pilots burned their initials into the ceiling. This is also where I had my first fish and chips meal. It was delicious!! I loved the feel of the city.There were lots of students, stone-cobbled streets, old buildings and cute little restaurants and stores. After my tour of Cambridge we headed to Bury St. Edmunds by bus. When we arrived it was a full house. Not only was I staying over, but so were four other people. One of them was my friend Dwayne. I met Dwayne when I went to visit Chaska in Madrid because they were roommates. Dwayne is from Ireland so it thankfully didn’t take him a long time to get to England and he also rented a car. I had a great night talking with the Conrows and Dwayne. I was happy to have some interesting and intelligent conversation. I say this because I had felt like I was lacking good conversations and hearing everyone talk about traveling, the economy, politics, etc. was really refreshing for me.

     On Saturday before we packed into Dwayne’s rented car for Stonehenge we checked out Bury St. Edmunds. It is a very small town, but very cute. I got to see a very old abbey, well parts of it because most of it was gone. It was very interesting though, because just from the parts that were still standing you could see what the formation of the abbey was before. We also walked around through the city and I got to see Britain’s smallest pub, The Nutshell Pub..it was crazy how small it was!!!

     After checking out the city we headed to Stonehenge. Stonehenge has been around for around since 2200 B.C. It is a formation of stones that at one point was a complete circle. No one is quite sure who constructed Stonehenge, but some people think it was Neolithic builders. Some of the stones weight up to 45 tons each and no one exactly knows how Stonehenge was constructed. It was a long drive, but again I enjoyed checking out the other parts of England. Before we arrived in Stonehenge it was already raining, but I think we probably went to Stonehenge on the worst day possible. : ) When we arrived it was pouring, windy, and freezing. It was quite the experience, not only seeing something very, very, historical, but also trying to listen to the headset, taking pictures while trying to hold my umbrella while it was raining. Basically I gave up on my umbrella at times and let the rain sting my face and then I gave up on trying to listen to the headset. Overall, this was an experience I will always remember.

     It was amazing to see Stonehenge in person and marvel at what mysterires there still are about things of the past. It was also fun being at Stonehenge in horrible weather (I hear it is very normal to have bad weather at Stonehenge), all I could do was laugh, smile and get soaked. After Stonehenge we were all starving so we drove around looking for something to eat. Once we had eaten a yummy lunch we headed back toward Bury St. Edmunds and stopped in Cambridge for a few hours. We were all pretty exhausted when we got back, it still amazes me how tired you can get from traveling.

     Sunday after I said goodbye to Blanca (Josh’s mom) the rest of us headed to London. When we arrived at the tube we all went our seperate ways Chaska and I went to our hostel, Dwayne went to see his friends and Doug and his friend went to check out London. After Chaska and I had checked into our hostel she took me to some really cool parts of London. First we went to Portobello Market, it is located in the Notting Hill district. It was such a cute neighborhood. I loved the houses and the shops. There were also people selling tons of things in front of their stores, down alley ways and in the streets, it was like a big flea market with way better stuff. After spending some time walking around we then headed to Cadmen Town. It was also an awesome neighborhood. I loved that the people and the stores were very alternative and unique. It was definitely my kind of neighborhood. Besides seeing these awesome neighborhoods another great thing was we had good weather…really good weather for London. I loved it and it made me realize how awesome London can be!!!

     During the night time we headed to the center of London and went to Piccadilly Circus. I was definitely ready to head back to the hostel when night came because I was exhausted from traveling so much. Overall, it was a great trip. I felt refreshed to be around people I knew and I felt I got to see London with a different perspective. I know every place I go gives me a new view on life and helps me to appreciate things more.

              -Dad, I can’t believe how fast time flies and I can’t believe I am in Spain six years later, but I know you have been with me every step of the way! I always remember your words of encouragement. I am still in the boat! : )

     Tuesday I had my first Spanish presentation in my marketing class and I was so nervous because I had to speak in front of the Spanish students. Thankfully I was able to memorize my part and was able to practice with my roommates. When the time came my group (all Spanish girls) presented first, which ment I spoke first..aahhh…I was not wanting to start, but oh well. Hooray! I did it and I feel I did a good job. My teacher also mentioned that Jacqueline (my friend) and I (the international students) did great. She asked the class why do they have their parts memorized and you guys don’t. Hehe…the class also applauded for us. I felt very proud of Jacqueline and myself…we did it!

    Thursday we also had another presentation for human resources, but thankfully it was only in front of our teacher. One thing I forgot to mention was Monday while I was working on our presentation for human resources my computer stopped working. As you would expect I was just about to save my work to a memory card so I lost what I had been working on. (Side note: I spilt coffee on my laptop a month ago, but by God’s miracle it still worked) Anyways, I stayed up late getting everything done so that Jacqueline could get our paper ready. When it was all done it looked awesome and my group did great. Again I felt proud, excited and relieved.

     Even though I still have two more tests and a paper to write I know the worst is completed. Thursday we went out to celebrate, it is then when it hit me how this month will fly by. Saturday I took one of my students to lunch. It was such a good time. I feel with her (Patricia) I can not only teach her English, but can also be her friend. We had some delicious burgers right near my school. I am glad I got to hang out with her and her friend (Sofi) outside of our classes. My job here has been so rewarding more than I expected. I have learned how to teach, I have learned more about why things are the way they are in English, the kids teach me words in Spanish and I have come to develop a special relationship with each of my students!

     Saturday night was also fun because I had another girl’s night! It was great. Girls, cookies, a movie, talking, food, wine, nail polish, cookies, and some more cookies. I love having people over and I love when people can have a good time. I am going to miss all the girls that I had at my house. Girls from Holand, Canada, Oregon and California. I know many of them and I will keep in touch; however, I know I will miss them more than I realize. This is an expierence we will always share…something very unique and special.

     It is such a bitter sweet feeling knowing the time is coming to an end. If I had the money I would stay for a much longer time, but still I know I have started to become excited to go home. I know once I get home it will hit me hard, but all I plan to do is to take the next three weeks day by day and soak it up.

Jess: Thank you for being excited for me in all that I have done. Thank you for staying in contact and for your awesome emails! This expierence has shown me how strong our friendship is…I know I will know you as time goes on, as we meet that special guy, as we start our “jobs,” when we have kids (way in the future), etc. You mean more to me than you will ever know and I will miss you in SD.

Amber: Thank you for believing in me and for supporting me in everything! Thank you for your cards and emails…I know we have an amazing friendship…we are sisters. : ) I love that even if we don’t talk for a month or more we always pick up right where we left off. I am so excited to see you and the family!

Tía Julie: Thank you for your generosity…it has helped me so much! Thank you for supporting me and being excited for me! I wish you could have visited me…who knows maybe we can travel in the future together or you might visit me in another country…hehe : )

Joel: Thank you for helping me throughout the year with all my technical questions. I trust you with all my questions rather than someone from Apple…hehe.. Thank you for your prayers and for reminding me that God cares about the small things. God has reminded me a lot about our close frienship during the HG years and has made me excited for what is to come!

Chaska: Thank you for all your advice and support! You have always been an inspiration to me. I have remembered all our talks about traveling and when I got home sick I always remembered…’everything will be the same when I get back.’ You have helped prepare me for Spain in many ways and have always been there to answer questions or support me. Thanks so much!!!

Ramon and Tamara: Thanks so much for not getting tired of all my questions. Even before I arrived at Nebrija you guys were always there to support me and answer all my questions! You have made me feel comfortable at Nebrija and in Madrid. Ramon thanks for all your help with the visa paper work and for being a great friend. Tamara thanks for the awesome Nebrija parties…especially second semester!!! I hope to keep in touch with you guys…I am positive I will be back to Madrid one day : )

Angela: Thank you for being my rock during first semester. God definitely put us together for a reason…to survive in the house of Pilar..hehe…just kidding : ) You taught me so much Spanish and you were always patient with me. Thank you for always encouraging me and reminding me of the right thing to do in many situations. Hopefully we can see each other again some day.

Andy: Danke for being an amazing host in Zürich. I had such a great time in Switzerland and I am so thankful that I was able to stay at your place. It was great meeting your brother and all your friends. Let definitely keep in touch and remember anytime you are in Cali you are welcome at my place.

Ana, Prado and Moni: Thank you for being amazing roommates! I was so excited that you chose me to live with you gals. I have learned so much Spanish and have a had the freedom to be myself. Thank you for alwaya listening and being patient with me. I truly have felt like you are my sisters. Ana I admire your strength, your passion for equality, and social justice and I know you always got my back. Thank you for always helping me with my school projects and being tough on me with my Spanish. Prado I also admire your passion for equality and your love for reading…you have enouraged me to read more especially in Spanish. Thank you for always being open with your affection and being real. Moni thank you for our talks. I feel that I have talked with you the most since we were always home the most. Thank you for always listening and being so supportive. Thank you for letting me be me. Thanks for all your help with my school work. I will miss our movie, Prison Break and 24 nights.

Oasis girls: Thanks for being my rock and support during second semester! Thank you for letting me be myself and for being so welcoming! I wish I could stay and be apart of Oasis for a long period of time, but who knows…maybe in the future. Thanks for your honesty and prayers. I will always think of you girls.

     I have met several awesome guys, but I realized there are several aspects where we don’t relate. I love learning new things and I love meeting people who are different from me; however, there are many things that are essential to me in the opposite sex. I will spare you the details, but over the past 8 months I have realized that cultural differences can have a huge impact on relationships.

     One guy who made a big impact on me was my friend Emilio. I met Emilio about one month after I arrived in Spain. I had been running with my roommate, Angela, at a near by park and I told her I recognized this guy from school. Since Antonio de Nebrija is a small school it was pretty easy to recognize people. I was still trying to get the courage to speak in Spanish so I told my roommate that I would try to talk to him if I saw him again. The next day I saw him. I was really nervous not just to talk to a cute guy, but to talk to a cute guy in Spanish. Finally after awhile I was going to make a phone call and I saw him with his friends by the copy machine. So I decided to try to talk to him. In my broken Spanish added with my nervousness I asked if he had been at the park the previous day. He gave me a look like who are you, but proceeded to answer. We talked for awhile and he offerred to help me with my Spanish if I ever needed it. After that nervous encounter we became friends.

     At the beginning I definitely was interested and attracted to him, but overtime I realized he was in my life to teach me a lot and to be a great friend. Emilio has taught me or I should say reminded me (out of any guy I have ever met) how I should be treated. He opened doors for me, was respectful in every way, was generous, listened to me, was patient with me (with my Spanish), was helpful and encouraging. I know Emilio´s upbringing has a huge impact on who he is and how he acts, sometimes it has a negative effect too.

     One negative effect I would say is he is very very sheltered. I realized through the guys I met here that I want a guy who is knowledgeable about different cultures or wants to explore and learn about them. I want a guy who is confident, but not cocky. I want a guy who has the strength to lead, to be a man in a relationship. I want someone who is passionate about music, traveling and God. I could go on and on, but overall all this expierence has shown me what I want and deserve.

     I know in San Diego I was looking in the wrong places for a guy and had no clue what I really wanted. This trip has reminded me of many values I have and things that I should look for in a guy. Even though I have not found love I have found more of myself, I realized what I deserve and that finding a good…great guy is possible!

    I really only have about a month or a month an a half left of classes, but I have so much to do this next month. I am really proud of myself because I have received really good grades on my tests. I am especially proud of my two tests with the Spanish students (Marketing and Economy) not only because I got good grades, but I even did better than some of the Spanish students. I have another test in two weeks and then I have three projects to do. I am a little nervous about the projects because I have to present them all in front of my classes in Spanish, but again I am sure everything will turn out good. Even though I have always loved school, and I have really enjoyed learning Spanish, I think I am ready to finish with school. I am ready to graduate and get started on my future job/ business. I am starting to see more and more especially doing my business projects that studying in Spain is going to be a great benefit for me in the future. I know there is so much to come!

   With less than three months to go I have also been restless. Waves of feelings come and go, enjoying each minute I am here and then missing my family and friends and of course the beach. I think since it is closer to the time I am going to go home I am starting to think about it more often. Even though I only have three months left I have a lot planned. I have friends visiting me, going to Salamanca, going to Granada and Ireland. I also recently got back from England from visiting the Conrows, which was a great time! I will have a blog up soon about all the we did. A trip I will always remember.  

March 22, 2008

      It is time to move on. What does that mean? When should or can you say it to someone? I had it said to me many times after my dad died. I always got and still get angry at that phrase. Who are you to say it is time to move on? It has almost been six years since my dad’s death, but the feelings have not changed at all. I have only gotten stronger. I think each death affects everyone differently and sometimes you don’t even realize how it has affected you till years later. Do we really move on? I never will, in the sense that I will continue to celebrate his life, and mourn his death. I miss him. Sometimes it is such a taboo topic. Can you be so happy, yet be so sad? Yes, definitely. It is a beautiful and such an amazing feeling to sob until you can’t cry anymore and at the end can be hopeful for what is to come. Being sad only makes me realize that much more how important my mom and brother are to me. The only two people I can be completely honest with, unashamedly honest and they won’t look at me weird if I start crying unstoppably, even six years after the fact.